Why doesn’t anyone want to talk about Caregiver Guilt Part 2?
Is guilt the Caregiver’s silent shame?
So what is the silent shame of Caregiver Guilt?
It is that feeling in the pit of your gut, you know everything isn’t right with your world?
Yet you feel powerless, to do anything about it?
- Family Conflicts?
- Wanting a little free time?
- Wished for your Loved One’s suffering to just end?
You want to make it better, yet, you are not sure how, and it’s will be another day, soon?
“Can’t my family understand I NEED HELP!”
The question is, are you wasting a lot of energy on an emotion which has no benefit for your or your Loved One?
Caregivers often get caught up in the spiralling cycle of anger followed by guilt
Whether it is self imposed guilt or guilt imposed upon us, it is important to remember it often leads to feelings of resentment and depression.
Before you accept the silent shame of guilt, ask yourself these questions.
- How were you feeling physically & mentally?
- Did you intentionally cause harm to another person?
- Could you accept, explain or forgive that behaviour in someone else?
- Does the guilt/silent shame help your Loved One?
Caregivers are Human Too – Caregivers often put the needs of their Loved One ahead of the needs of themselves. Thinking they should be patient, loving & kind all the time, but the truth is Caregivers are human. When our own needs aren’t being met it becomes increasingly difficult to meet the needs of someone who cannot take care of him/herself.
Yet, Caregivers often mistake the feeling of guilt with the feeling of resentment.
What is Guilt? Remember – guilt is the feeling we experience when we intentionally cause physical or emotional harm to another person.
What is Resentment? Resentment is the feeling of sadness or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. We regret a loss or a missed opportunity.
What’s Healthy? It’s perfectly normal and acceptable to regret how yours & your loved one’s life has changed as a result of an illness or injury.
It’s natural to feel tremendous sadness & disappointment over the progress of a disease.
What’s Not Healthy? It is not healthy for you to stop living your life and accept the responsibility of your Loved One’s condition.
You didn’t cause it, You can’t change it! If your body is still healthy, if you can still pursue work/career. If you can enjoy being with family and friends feel grateful not guilty.
Next time you feel the silent shame/guilt monster closing in on your.
It’s time to start reframing, your thinking.
Instead of thinking I feel guilty about…
I am angry with my Loved One, and I regret I have negative feelings toward him/her right now.
I need some time to myself and I regret that this causes stress for him/her.
Or if you can’t identify what it is simply acknowledge this.
I am carrying a heavy burden and I regret that I feel resentful about that.
If you are experiencing any stressor due to caregiving or life, remember talking to someone as a sounding board can help put things into perspective. Remember to visit a health professional or doctor.
Today write down 3 heavy burdens you feel today and who you would like to share them with.
Remember you were created to be you!
Create a great day!
Author & Founder of CarefortheCaregiver.org
Remember to Stay Linked, Informed & Educated to Bring Hope, Health & Happiness to the World.
P.S. You are capable!