Why doesn’t anyone want to talk about Caregiver Guilt Part 10?
Is guilt the Caregiver’s silent shame?
So what is the silent shame of Caregiver Guilt?
It is that feeling in the pit of your gut, you know everything isn’t right with your world?
Yet you feel powerless, to do anything about it?
- Not being able to keep promises?
- Have negative thoughts?
- Family Conflict?
You want to make it better, yet, you are not sure how, and it’s will be another day, soon?
“Can’t someone else help just one day a week?!”
The question is are you wasting a lot of energy on an emotion which has no benefit for your or your Loved One?
Caregivers are Human Too Caregivers often put the needs of their Loved One ahead of the needs of themselves. Thinking they should be patient, loving & kind all the time, but the truth is Caregivers are human. When our own needs aren’t being met it becomes increasingly difficult to meet the needs of someone who cannot take care of him/herself.
Caregivers Glasses – Research has shown, caregivers often have unrealistic expectations of themselves. We don’t use the same glasses for ourselves as we do others. We use rose coloured glasses for our family & friends and for supporting them, so things are a little brighter in colour and 20/20 standard vision.
Yet went we look at supporting our own challenges, we put on magnifying glasses 40x when we look at our own challenges, so things seem bigger and easier to repeat over and over again, so close.
Yet, Caregivers often mistake the feeling of guilt with the feeling of resentment.
Whether it is self imposed or imposed upon us, it is important to remember it often leads to feelings of resentment and depression.
What’s Healthy? It’s perfectly normal and acceptable to regret how yours & your loved one’s life has changed as a result of an illness or injury. It’s natural to feel tremendous sadness & disappointment over the progress of a disease.
What’s Not Healthy? It is not healthy for you to stop living your life and accept the responsibility of your Loved One’s condition. You didn’t cause it, You can’t change it! If your body is still healthy, if you can still pursue work/career. If you can enjoy being with family and friends feel grateful not guilty.
If you are experiencing any stressor due to caregiving or life, remember talking to someone as a sounding board can help put things into perspective. A doctor or health professional can also help.
Next time you feel the silent shame/guilt monster closing in on you.
It’s time to start reframing, your thinking.
Understand there will be times when everything seems to go wrong.
When those things do happen, give yourself permission to be human.
Accept that not every day is sunshine, there are rainy days, cloudy days and even cyclone days.
Know you are ok! You are enough! You are your Loved One’s critical connection to the world.
Today write down 3 things, you are thankful for.
Remember you were created to be you!
Create a great day!
Author & Founder of CarefortheCaregiver.org
Remember to Stay Linked, Informed & Educated to Bring Hope, Health & Happiness to the World.
P.S. You are incredible!