Why doesn’t anyone want to talk about Caregiver Guilt Part 1?
Is guilt the Caregiver’s silent shame?
So what is the silent shame of Caregiver Guilt?
It is that feeling in the pit of your gut, you know everything isn’t right with your world?
Yet you feel powerless, to do anything about it?
- Not being able to keep promises?
- Having negative thoughts?
- Did you lose your temper?
You want to make it better, yet, you are not sure how, and it’s will be another day, soon?
“If my Loved One asks me the same question one more time, I think I’ll scream!”
The question is – are you wasting a lot of energy on an emotion, which has no benefit for You or your Loved One?
Caregivers can often get caught up in the spiralling cycle of anger followed by guilt.
Whether it is self imposed guilt or guilt imposed upon us, it is important to remember, it often leads to feelings of resentment and depression.
Before you accept the silent shame of guilt, ask yourself these questions.
- How were you feeling physically & mentally?
- Did you intentionally cause harm to another person?
- Could you accept, explain or forgive that behaviour in someone else?
- Does the guilt/silent shame help your Loved One?
Caregivers are Human To – Caregivers often put the needs of their Loved One ahead of the needs of themselves. Thinking they should be patient, loving & kind all the time, but the truth is Caregivers are human.When our own needs aren’t being met it becomes increasingly difficult to meet the needs of someone who cannot take care of him/herself.
Caregivers Glasses – Research has shown, caregivers often have unrealistic expectations of themselves. We don’t use the same glasses for ourselves as we do others. We use rose coloured glasses for our family & friends and for supporting them, so things are a little brighter in colour and 20/20 standard vision. Yet went we look at supporting our own challenges, we put on magnifying glasses 40x or 60x when we look at our own challenges, so things seem bigger and easier to repeat over and over again, so close.
Yet, Caregivers often mistake the feeling of guilt with the feeling of resentment.
What is Guilt? Remember – guilt is the feeling we experience, when we intentionally cause physical or emotional harm to another person.
What is Resentment? Resentment is the feeling of sadness or disappointment, over something that has happened or been done. We regret a loss or a missed opportunity.
What’s Healthy? It’s perfectly normal and acceptable to regret how yours & your Loved One’s life has changed as a result of an illness, aging or injury. It’s natural to feel tremendous sadness & disappointment over the progress of a disease.
What’s Not Healthy? It is not healthy for you to stop living your life and accept the responsibility of your Loved One’s condition. You didn’t cause it, You can’t change it? If your body is still healthy, if you can still pursue work/career? If you can enjoy being with family and friends feel grateful not guilty.
If you are experiencing any stressor due to caregiving or experiencing life, remember talking to someone as a sounding board can help put things into perspective. Talking with a health professional or doctor can also help.
Today write down 5 things you are grateful for.
Remember you were created to be you!
Create a great day!
Author & Founder of CarefortheCaregiver.org
Remember to Stay Linked, Informed & Educated to Bring Hope, Health & Happiness to the World.
P.S. You are clever!